Friday, April 10, 2009

It was a year ago

I was admitted to the hospital a year ago today, yo make sure little man stayed where he was supposed to. I had gone in for a follow up visit with my OB/GYN. THe week before on April 2nd I had been terminated out of the blue from my job of more than a year. That was the beginning of the end of having a nice fairly simple pregnancy.

In January, two weeks after I had discovered that I was pregnant, I almost lost the baby due to bleeding. The doctor never found the cause for the two emergency room visits but I did go on bed rest for a week. After that point everything changed at work concerning my boss. He became a control freak and change the way we ran business in the processing department. However, everything with the pregnancy was going perfect. Drayke was growing and thriving. I had never felt better in my life as that pregnancy really suited me well.

When I was terminated in April, there was no written warning, no real discussion, only threatening email. That morning when I arrived at Dad's office I told him how my chest hurt & the baby was being extremely active. Dad drove me to the hospital in Nashville where I had planned on delivering Drayke and was told my blood pressure was 184/127. I stayed there for about 4 hours then was released home & to follow up the folling week with my OB. My blood pressure was better but I was spilling proteins. The doctor then told me that I was getting admitted.

So many things happened while I was in the hospital. Besides being in a panic over the job situation my house in Florida was broken into where every room took damage by a vagrant who decided he needed a place to live; watching tv in the afternoon, seeing storms with tornadoes go over our home here in Tennessee; being terrified of having to stay on bedrest and getting proceedures done to me that I had never expected. I was in an almost constant state of panic. I should have had the doctors give me some kind of anti anxiety med because it ended up causing me to have my son far too early.

There is a part of me that will always blame my former boss for terminating me at the worst possible time in my life and myself for not handling stress better, for the eventual loss of my son. To have a pregnancy go from being almost effortless to catastrophicly bad. There are so many "would have should have could haves" that go thru my mind every day, knowing that if things had been just a tad different in April of last year Drayke may have still been with us.

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