Monday, August 30, 2010

Keep thinking about my lil man

Every day, and I mean EVERY day, I think of my son. I wonder at what he would look like, being a little over two years old. How he would be toddling around the house, getting into all kinds of things he shouldn't. I see him in the carseat in the backseat of my Beetle where I currently have a cute purple stuffed bunny seatbelted. The bunny I got for Drayke for Easter last year after he had passed.

I go shopping and find a romper that is so cute with a moose and the words "Wild Thing" on it. Then I notice a little number logo that has a "28" on the shoulder. His birthdate. It is so perfect for the lil man I see in my minds eye. I fight the urge to buy it every time I walk into the store. I think he would fit perfectly in the 24 month size. It is only $6 but I fight the urge, knowing it would only be folded and added into his dresser with his other unworn clothes.

My mom told me something the other day she had told my sister. "What will happen to Lorri if Drayke doesn't make it?". My mother responded "She will die. And you have. Your body just hasn't caught up to your heart". She is right. I am just going thru the motions of living but I feel my soul, the core of my being, has been lost. It has been more than a year and a half since Drayke died and I feel as alone and desolate as the day he passed.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

My sweet Little Dragon

My sweet little man, Drayke. Today you would have been two years old. I can see you toddling around the house getting into all kinds of mischief. I can see your sly little smile looking up at me with those amazing blue eyes, knowing I could never resist smiling back. You are the best thing to have ever happened to me. I love you.

2 years ago from Today

2 Years ago from today my little man was born. Even though he is not with us in body he is sure with us in spirit. I dreamt of him last night and woke up at 1 am just to realize it was a dream. Every moment of every day I wish he was still here with us but I do know that I will see him again. The day he was born changed us so much and even now still changes us from within. Happy Birthday my little man.

Monday, April 19, 2010

March for Babies Nashville 2010

Drayke's father and I went to the Nashville March for Babies yesterday, April 18th 2010. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. Warm sun & cool breezes. There were a lot of people there as well as huge teams. A far cry from the Lewisburg walk.

We ran into some old NICU friends, Mollie & Jerrica as well as their amazing children. I actually got to hold Daxton for a few moments.

It has been really hard, seeing all the little ones who were in the NICU with us. They are all turning two now. Dont get me wrong, I am beyond happy that they are thriving. But it is always a reminder of those who werent so fortunate. So many that I was personally touched by. So many that I cant remember all their names. I spent a good part of the day crying.

Afterwards was the annual Vanderbilt Children's Hospital Time for Remembering event. This is for the families who have had children die at the hospital. It was another round of crying non stop for an hour. After the presentation we all walked over the the hospital to plant impatiens and they gave us rosemary plants to take home with us.

Even though it was a day full of tears it was one of the best days I have had all year.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

It is that time of year

Please click on the March for Babies link on the right to sponsor me.

Gosh, it's hard to believe it has been a year since I walked in my first March for Babies event. This is a cause that is very near & dear to my heart.

Please donate to this very worthy cause. Let's make what happend to Drayke a thing of the past .

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

It has been a year since he passed


This is the last picture that was taken of Drayke. We were saying our goodbyes. The hardest thing I have ever done in my life was walk out the door of his room. All I wanted to do was go running back and sweep him up in my arms and never to let go.

But sometimes we do have to let go of those we love to be able to survive.
I will see him again and hold him in my arms.

He was my life.

I will love him forever.

My sweet baby dragon.

My amazing lil man.

My son, Drayke.