Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I now have Drayke's ashes

I made the appointment this morning to meet up descedant services. I went to Marie's desk where I saw a simple white gift bag and I fell apart.

After I calmed down a bit she removed his little urn. The wood is a gorgeous deep red mahogany, about 5" x 3". She asked if I wanted to see the remains, mostly to let me know that they're not open in the box and the tag that was enclosed. The box is lined in a deep green velvet. I told Marie "there isn't hardly anything there". I could hold his entire cremains in the palm of my hand. About 2" across and 1" deep. Inside the bag I could see the tag that was matched up with the one they had on his ankle in the morgue to make sure that I do indeed have my son. I cried again due to knowing how my gorgeous growing fifteen plus pound boy has been reduced to something smaller than my phone.

I signed the paperwork and put his urn in his small diaper bag along with a newborn diaper to pad the bottom. It took everything I had in me to walk from the office over to the parking garage without having a complete breakdown. I didnt quite make it to the car. I bawled for about twenty minutes before I could start the car. I wrapped the diaper bag with the blanket Robert had made him for his journey home.

In May, just after I was released from the hospital, I had a tag made at Walmart. A big red heart with Drayke's name and date of birth. I had promised myself that I would never take it off until he came home. The only time I took it off I had an MRI. At the same time he crashed at the hospital. That was the one and only time it has been off of my neck.

Drayke is home now.

It will now stay with him in his urn because my heart will forever be with my son.


hilda said...


My heart breaks for you...
If you want another friend, I am arnlaug on lj.

Anonymous said...

I am so, so sorry. I can only imagine how difficult that was.

I haven't posted in a little while, but I still drop in here to check on you all. Drayke is never far from my thoughts. Your posts about him continue to be incredibly beautiful - there is no doubt that Drayke has touched everyone who has come to know his story.

I join Hilda is sending you lots of hugs -

Erin B.

ski said...

simply put....He's home!!

Anonymous said...

That must have been so very hard for you, but I hope that completing this difficult step brings you some comfort. I think of you and your beautiful boy often. I hope you are taking care of yourself as much as you can.

Kathrynne\ said...

I just want you know that i look at this all time to make you and robert are doing ok. you know that we are right down the road if you need to talk. call me any time.